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Back to Speak English With Vanessa

Social & Small Talk

Small Talk in English: what is polite and what is rude

Practise easy small-talk topics and learn why comments about someone’s body or appearance may feel too personal.

Read the full lesson summary

Vanessa and Dan continue their conversation about greetings by exploring small talk: brief, low-pressure conversation that helps people connect without immediately sharing deeply personal information. They suggest beginning with a shared subject such as the weather. A comment like “Looks like rain” or “Warm day today” gives the other person an easy way to respond. Vanessa describes this as a small back-and-forth exchange, not a conversation that needs to have a lot of substance.

They next recommend noticing the environment both people share. At a grocery store, a shopper might mention tomatoes on sale or ask what someone is shopping for. In a coffee shop, asking what kind of drink someone got can open a brief conversation. These questions are connected to the immediate setting, which can make them easier than searching for an unrelated topic. The speakers then turn to topics that may be off limits, especially comments about appearance and weight. They distinguish a specific, positive comment about a haircut or clothing from remarks about someone’s body. They note that even comments meant as compliments—such as saying someone is beautiful or handsome—can feel uncomfortable, depending on the relationship and the person.

The lesson presents the couple’s advice and examples, not a universal etiquette code. People vary in whether they welcome comments about their appearance, and norms differ across relationships and settings. A neutral observation about the shared environment is often a lower-pressure choice; when a personal topic seems unwelcome, change direction and respect the other person’s response.

In the expression section, Vanessa explains “back and forth” as movement or exchange between two sides, using both a conversation and a swing as examples. She also defines “off limits” as something that is not allowed or should not be discussed in a particular situation. Her examples include politics as a potentially off-limits topic and a humorous family boundary about dating her sister. Learners can use the phrases to make a little conversation about weather, shopping, or a café; describe a two-way exchange; and tactfully state that a subject is not appropriate. The central skill is not memorizing a list of forbidden topics, but selecting a low-pressure opener and noticing whether the other person wants to continue.

S2.1
Speak English With VanessaAmerican English

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Transcript

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Select an expression for its meaning · 0:00

Vanessa and Dan introduce small talk and recommend easy weather observations

Hi, I’m Vanessa from Speak English with Vanessa dot com. Today my husband Dan and I are continuing our conversations about greetings, and we’re going to talk about small talk. Are you ready? Ready. Let’s go. Dan, when you first meet someone, what are some okay small-talk topics? What would you recommend English learners say when they first meet people? One of the first and easiest topics in many cultures is the weather. You might say, ‘,’ or ‘.’ Make a simple observation about the weather or say how you feel about it. The other person can respond, ‘Yeah, it’s been hot all week.’ It’s a little back-and-forth exchange, without much substance—that’s small talk.

Try it: Make one brief weather observation that gives the other person room to respond.

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13 phrases

Showing 13 of 13 phrases

warm day today

Vanessa and Dan introduce small talk and recommend easy weather observations · expression

A short observation that the day feels warm.

Tone and use: Casual and neutral; it invites a simple response. Use it as an easy weather comment when you share the setting with someone.

May not fit: It may not fit if the weather is not actually warm or weather is not a welcome topic.

Example“Warm day today. Have you been outside much?”

looks like rain

Vanessa and Dan introduce small talk and recommend easy weather observations · expression

Rain seems likely based on current conditions or what you can see.

Tone and use: Casual observation. Use it to make a light comment about the weather.

May not fit: It describes an impression, not a guaranteed forecast.

Example“Looks like rain, so I’m glad I brought an umbrella.”

talk about your environment

They suggest talking about shared surroundings at a store or coffee shop · expression

Make conversation about something you both can see or experience in the place you are in.

Tone and use: Practical and low-pressure. Use it to find a topic in a shared setting, such as a store, café, or event.

May not fit: Do not force a comment if the other person seems busy or uninterested.

Example“At the market, we talked about the fruit on display.”

what are you shopping for

They suggest talking about shared surroundings at a store or coffee shop · expression

A casual question about what someone plans or hopes to buy.

Tone and use: Friendly and informal. Use it with someone you know or in a relaxed shopping conversation.

May not fit: Avoid it if asking what someone is buying could feel intrusive in the situation.

Example“What are you shopping for today?”

what kind of drink did you get

They suggest talking about shared surroundings at a store or coffee shop · expression

A friendly question asking which beverage someone chose.

Tone and use: Casual and interested. Use it in a café or other setting where the drink is visible and relevant.

May not fit: It may sound odd when the person is not having a drink.

Example“What kind of drink did you get? That looks good.”

I really like your haircut

Dan and Vanessa distinguish a haircut compliment from potentially intrusive body comments · expression

A positive comment about someone’s hairstyle.

Tone and use: Friendly compliment, though personal comments are best offered with sensitivity. Use it when you genuinely want to compliment someone’s hairstyle and the context feels comfortable.

May not fit: Avoid comments that criticize someone’s appearance or assume they welcome personal remarks.

Example“I really like your haircut—it suits you.”

did you lose weight

Dan and Vanessa distinguish a haircut compliment from potentially intrusive body comments · expression

A direct question about whether someone’s body weight has decreased.

Tone and use: Personal and potentially intrusive, even if intended as praise. In general, avoid asking unless the person has invited discussion of their weight.

May not fit: Do not make assumptions about someone’s health, body, or feelings about weight.

Example“Instead of asking about weight, you could say, ‘It’s nice to see you.’”

talk about their actual body

Dan and Vanessa distinguish a haircut compliment from potentially intrusive body comments · expression

Discuss the person’s body itself rather than a shared topic or an activity.

Tone and use: Personal; this lesson presents it as a topic to approach cautiously. Use the phrase to explain that body comments can cross a conversational boundary.

May not fit: Do not bring up someone’s body in casual conversation without a clear reason and their comfort.

Example“At a first meeting, it is usually better not to talk about their actual body.”

feel kind of strange

They discuss why even positive comments on beauty can feel awkward, depending on the relationship · expression

Feel somewhat awkward, uncomfortable, or unusual.

Tone and use: Informal and softened by kind of. Use it to describe mild discomfort or an unfamiliar social reaction.

May not fit: Use a more direct phrase when the feeling is strong or serious.

Example“I felt kind of strange making a personal comment to someone I had just met.”

do you want to go on a date

They discuss why even positive comments on beauty can feel awkward, depending on the relationship · expression

A direct question asking whether someone would like to have a romantic date.

Tone and use: Personal and potentially flirtatious. Use it when you are clearly expressing romantic interest and the context is appropriate.

May not fit: Do not assume that a compliment or friendly conversation means someone wants to date.

Example“Would you like to go on a date with me sometime?”

comment on people’s physical appearance

They discuss why even positive comments on beauty can feel awkward, depending on the relationship · expression

Say something about how people look, including their face or body.

Tone and use: Neutral phrase for discussing appearance-related remarks. Use it to talk about the social effect of appearance comments.

May not fit: In casual conversation, avoid personal appearance remarks unless you know they are welcome.

Example“It is usually safer not to comment on people’s physical appearance at work.”

back and forth

Vanessa introduces the expression section and explains back and forth with a conversation example · expression

A repeated exchange between two people or movement in opposite directions.

Tone and use: Neutral and conversational. Use it for a two-way conversation or repeated movement between sides.

May not fit: Do not use it for a one-way action with no return or exchange.

Example“We went back and forth about where to meet.”

off limits

She defines off limits, gives examples, and closes with a brief course invitation · expression

Not allowed or not appropriate to discuss or do in a particular situation.

Tone and use: Direct; the exact force depends on context. Use it to state that a subject or action is not permitted in a defined setting.

May not fit: Do not present a personal preference as a universal rule for everyone.

Example“They agreed that personal medical details were off limits at work.”

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What it means · “looks like rain”

What does “Looks like rain” suggest?